I have found people usually become depressed for the following reasons:
1) Not feeling connected to others
2) Feeling underappreciated
3) Lack of direction
4) Abuse or a major social/personal loss
So here are 22 ways of thinking/things you can do that I eventually stumbled upon, one by one by taking to people, reading, listening and finally learning a few lessons the hard way. I don’t claim to be a professional on this stuff but sometimes experience is the best teacher.
1. Contrary to popular belief it is a good thing to compare yourself to other people. When you look at people who are ahead of you, it can work as a motivation to work harder and to better yourself. While seeing people who are less fortunate than you can help you feel grateful for what we do have. But either way at the end of the day the only person you need to compare yourself with is the person you were yesterday. You define your own success.
2. As already mentioned, be grateful for what you do have. The fact you can read this means you have an internet connection and electricity. That’s a lot more than many others. You also most likely have something to eat and somewhere to sleep. Again much more than many. Let that sink in.
3. Take appreciation from the interactions you have with others. Often when we feel lonely it is not because we are alone. We have people in our lives. You simply are not taking satisfaction from those interactions. When you are finished an interaction with anybody take a moment just to reflect on it and appreciate the fact it was possible to spend time with kind and friendly people. If you can’t find satisfaction from these interactions maybe it is time to find a new peer group.
4. When I was in in H&M the other day I saw a sign which said “If it makes you happy, wear it” And it is so true. Be honest with yourself and others about what you like and what you don’t. Be proud of that band or whatever it is you love. Even if you know full well 90% of your peer group might not feel the same way. No two people are the same. Our interest play a big role in that. Be proud.
5. Take a few personality tests. For example "16 Personalties” It is easier to make social, career, and family choices when you have a better understanding of what type of person you are.
6. Accept nothing is permanent. Most people lose a best friend along the way. Most first relationships fail. Most people lose a job at some point. Our circumstances and people can change in an instant. Holding onto the idea of what was will only bring you pain. As Budda once said, “When you let go, you create space for better things to enter your life.”
7. A simple one, but maybe the hardest. When you are having a rough period tell somebody. Don’t be afraid to reach out.
8. You need to set yourself daily, weekly and monthly goals. Goals give every day a reason and every reason gives you something to work towards. There are few things worse for one's self-esteem than sitting around and not doing anything to improve oneself or the world.
9. Start categorizing the people in your life into groups and don’t be afraid to move people between categories. For example, best friends, people you want to get to know better, old friends you love but don’t see as much as you like and the good people you see every day and you want to focus on.
When you accept what role somebody can play in your life at the moment, you will be a lot less likely to become upset when they are not there for you as much as they once were. If you move to a new town or your friend gets a new job with a heavier workload you need to accept where the two of you are right now. The strengths of friendships fluctuate as time goes by and that is simply part of the ride. Like you they have their goals and ambitions. Mind you a real friend will do all they can for you if disaster strikes. Eve from the other side of the world.
10. Take a genuine interest in others. Make sure they know you are really listening to them. It makes the other person feel appreciated and they will take that same interest in you. It leads to all round better communication and relationships.
11. Never get into a routine that doesn't allow you to let your hair down and so something spontaneous sometimes. Have a plan, be organised but planning every minute of your day will make it hard to really enjoy anything and live in the moment.
12. Make time for hobbies you are really passionate about. It will help you to be more engaged, happy and fulfilled in everything you do. It can’t be all work.
13. Find time to be kind to people and animals. Especially those who are less fortunate than you. He who gives always gets more out of giving than the person receiving. The other people will be helped and you will feel better about yourself.
14. Try and distinguish between the things, tasks and people that make you uncomfortable. Some will make you uncomfortable as deep down you know it is something that will make you a better version of yourself. While other things will make you uncomfortable as they are just morally wrong. Spot that different.
15. Learn how to spend time alone quietly to be with your thoughts. If you can do it in nature. Even better. It is the best way to really find out how we are doing. It is a way of checking up on ourselves.
16. Make time to read or listen to a philosopher or an inspiring leader. Nelson Mandela, Tony Robbins, Pluto, Socrates etc. You get the idea. These moments often just put what is going on in your life at the time into perspective.
17. Let the past go and try not to worry about the future. Live in the moment and be present with the people you are with at the time. In other words put that phone away.
18. Remember worrying only increases the size of the problem. Worrying is not a solution.
19. Remember when one door opens another 10 open.
20. Try and be a person the 15-year-old version of yourself who dreamed he/she could be/do anything would be proud of. The longest relationship you will have is with yourself, making it the most important. Make yourself proud.
21. Forgive those who have wronged you. Holding on only prolongs the suffering.
22. Get your 7-8 hours sleep a night and do your best not to eat too many sugars.
In a nutshell. In order to be happy:
Know who you are and be unapologetic for it. Find what you are passionate about and embrace it. Be kind to others but look after yourself first. You are no good to others despite good intentions if you are secretly miserable. Find people who make you happy. Remember nothing is permanent. When something is wrong don’t be afraid to speak out. Finally, have a positive attitude and keep the belief and hope you can achieve all your hopes and dreams.
Some quotes about happiness to finish:
Mark Twain: The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up.
Budda: No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.
Mahatma Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you and what you do are in harmony.
Steve Maraboli: If you want to find happiness, find gratitude.
John Lennon: When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. ... They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.
Tony Robbins: "Progress = happiness"
Chinese Proverb:
“If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.’
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.”
Chinese Proverb
Franklin D. Roosevelt: “Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.”
Seneca: “For many men, the acquisition of wealth does not end their troubles, it only changes them.”
Stacey Charter: “Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”
Oscar Wilde: “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go”
Dalai Lama: “Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”
Helen Keller: “When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”
