10 things you notice after coming home from abroad

As I write this blog post, it is two months to the day since I returned to Ireland from my year in Germany. With that in mind, I decided to put a list together of what emotions, feelings, and realizations have hit me over that time. I wanted to write this piece about two weeks before starting University again, but at the time I found my mind was still abroad and it was too early to write such a blog post in a manner that would reflect reality.

1) Your Body and Mind Will Feel Out Of Sink 

When leaving your newly adopted home, you say many goodbyes followed by many hellos. You pack your things up and then unpack again while dealing with annoying and over-crowded airports in between. All of these actions would suggest that you are home for good, but it simply takes your brain time to fully understand that you’re not going back. Even if it is just that one percent of you that is not willing to accept the fact yet.

2) Your Heart Won't Break But It Will Be Divided

Before moving to Germany, I had never lived out of Cork. I was very used to the fact that 90% of the people I hold close to me lived within 30 minutes of me. So even moving abroad and suddenly having more relationships in a different place to where you are at the moment is a dramatic change of events. If you do live in a foreign country, it is likely you will find others in the same position as you. Because of this when you and all your new friends go home, you will suddenly have connections in many cities and countries. While this does take some getting used to, it is wonderfully exciting.

3) You Will Be a Bit Bored Hearing Only One Language 

When abroad, one of the first challenges you will likely have to face is a new language or at least an additional dialect. At times this can be very frustrating. I remember one evening in particular after a Spanish exam. It finished at 8pm and I had been in classes since 9am. Naturally, I was very tired and realistically just wanted to go home to bed. But on the journey, I was joined by four German classmates, and obviously, we were speaking German. Speaking to four native speakers at once and feeling like you are contributing to a conversation to a high standard can be difficult in your best moments. I remember just standing there thinking  “please don’t ask me anything, I’m too tired to understand a word you're saying right now” Despite such moments I enjoyed speaking and hearing German and even languages I did not understand at all. You do miss that when you come home.

4) Everything At Home Changes Yet At The Same Time Nothing Changes 

When you return home for the first time after an extended period, it does feel like the home you knew is gone. Maybe a few friends have moved elsewhere, a few others are now in relationships, or perhaps you have a new neighbor. At first, there is a little sense of panic, which you have missed out on so much and a feeling that you will never catch with everything. But after a couple of weeks without realizing it, you will have seen many of your friends at home and have gotten used to being at home again. All the panic for nothing.

5) You Start To Wonder If The Whole Year Was Just a Part Of Your Imagination

Facebook is a massive factor in this. With facebook memories popping up on our screens now, its hard not to get a little nostalgic at times. Only yesterday I was reminded of the fact, that, time last year I was having the time of my life in Copenhagen. While this year, just like two years ago and so on, I was at home studying. Or in Cork at the very least. The point is a year abroad pushes you out of your routine that you build at home around your friends and family. I already find myself asking myself, “did I really see all those places?” It’s very surreal.

6) Coming Home Will Feel Like a Step Backwards  

Admittedly, this is something I had not thought of myself until another friend who went away for the year said it was what she was feeling. In most parts of many peoples lives, and especially when you are younger, you’re always moving onto something new and grander. For example, you leave school to go to university. You stop using the bus to get a car. Your relationships get more grown up and so one. Most of the time if you look at where you were a year ago and where you are now, we all grow up little by little.

So moving back to Ireland, back to the same university, only speaking one language, and maybe most decisively moving back home all felt like I was going backwards in life. Sometimes as people we can stagnate or move forward at a snail's pace which can be frustrating. But having so much evidence pointing towards the fact you have gone backwards is doubly disappointing. With a year abroad you grow a lot and at least for myself the person I was in Germany and the one I am in Ireland are different. As I write this I am making a conscious effort to be the more friendly and fun person I was in Germany and not the stress ball that left Ireland in September 2016.

7) You Quickly Realize Who Will Stay In Touch And Who Won’t 

In a previous post, I wrote about “convenience friends” and how we are all littered with them in our lives. A convenience friend is somebody who is only our “friend” because we see them every day. One of the greatest and liberating things about living away from home for a year was finding who cared that I was gone. That time destroyed a lot of the grey and made it obvious who was there for and who wasn't. I have fewer friends in Ireland now but I know I can rely on all of them and that is a fantastic feeling. I understand people are busy, but when somebody texts to see how are getting on now and then, message you on your birthday or make the time to skype you, it makes such a difference. It’s the little things that matter the most. So right now I’m experiencing that same thing with Erasmus/exchange people, and it’s fantastic. Sometimes it can be overwhelming trying to keep in touch with everybody, but as they say, actions speak louder than words and the process of keeping in touch with who really matters to you gets simpler with time.

8) The Travel Bug is Here to Stay 

Once I got home from Germany I was happy to be home. For the first few weeks or maybe only days the idea of going on a big adventure again was not in any way appealing. But over the last two months that feeling has evaporated. The travel bug has bitten again and I am more than ready for my next adventure and to start exploring an increasing small world yet again.

9) Social Media Is so much more interesting Than Before 

After doing an exchange year, as already mentioned everybody you tend to meet goes back to their home countries. This fact makes your social media feed so much enjoyable. One moment you are watching independence rallies in Barcelona, a second later a stunning landscape in France and a minute after that a stunning cityscape of Chicago. Having so many people you know personally on your Facebook feed living all the world works as a free guide to the world. If you were not addicted to facebook before, you probably are now.

10) You See everything In a Different Way

I’ve written a lot in the text about change. You do change a lot, and because of that even the people and places that are most familiar to you can feel different. On top of this, you feel different about yourself. Over the time what is important to you will change, your ambitions will change, and how you act will change. Every thought is different. It is often said, that travel is the best teacher because you don’t learn about the world you experience it. Each experience in life shapes us differently, but with travel, those changes are quicker. As cheesy as it sounds you come to a citizen of the world and not just your home country. You won’t entirely fit in at home anymore. In fact, you won’t entirely fit in anywhere. And guess what, that’s okay.

Thanks so much for reading.


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22 Habits To Help You Be Happy

When I wrote my initial blog about the period of depression I went through, I promised I would write a follow-up piece on how I eventually got passed it. A year on it is almost hard to remember how difficult those 6 months were.  In other ways, it’s not difficult at all. So if anybody would like to read that post for the first time or again, you can find it here. 

I have found people usually become depressed for the following reasons:
1)    Not feeling connected to others
2)    Feeling underappreciated
3)    Lack of direction
4)    Abuse or a major social/personal loss

So here are 22 ways of thinking/things you can do that I eventually stumbled upon, one by one by taking to people, reading, listening and finally learning a few lessons the hard way. I don’t claim to be a professional on this stuff but sometimes experience is the best teacher.

1.    Contrary to popular belief it is a good thing to compare yourself to other people. When you look at people who are ahead of you, it can work as a motivation to work harder and to better yourself. While seeing people who are less fortunate than you can help you feel grateful for what we do have. But either way at the end of the day the only person you need to compare yourself with is the person you were yesterday. You define your own success.

2.    As already mentioned, be grateful for what you do have. The fact you can read this means you have an internet connection and electricity. That’s a lot more than many others. You also most likely have something to eat and somewhere to sleep. Again much more than many. Let that sink in.

3.    Take appreciation from the interactions you have with others. Often when we feel lonely it is not because we are alone. We have people in our lives. You simply are not taking satisfaction from those interactions. When you are finished an interaction with anybody take a moment just to reflect on it and appreciate the fact it was possible to spend time with kind and friendly people. If you can’t find satisfaction from these interactions maybe it is time to find a new peer group.

4.    When I was in in H&M the other day I saw a sign which said “If it makes you happy, wear it” And it is so true. Be honest with yourself and others about what you like and what you don’t. Be proud of that band or whatever it is you love. Even if you know full well 90% of your peer group might not feel the same way. No two people are the same. Our interest play a big role in that. Be proud.

5.    Take a few personality tests. For example "16 Personalties” It is easier to make social, career, and family choices when you have a better understanding of what type of person you are.

6.    Accept nothing is permanent. Most people lose a best friend along the way. Most first relationships fail. Most people lose a job at some point. Our circumstances and people can change in an instant. Holding onto the idea of what was will only bring you pain. As Budda once said, “When you let go, you create space for better things to enter your life.”

7.    A simple one, but maybe the hardest. When you are having a rough period tell somebody. Don’t be afraid to reach out.

8.    You need to set yourself daily, weekly and monthly goals. Goals give every day a reason and every reason gives you something to work towards. There are few things worse for one's self-esteem than sitting around and not doing anything to improve oneself or the world.

9.    Start categorizing the people in your life into groups and don’t be afraid to move people between categories. For example, best friends, people you want to get to know better, old friends you love but don’t see as much as you like and the good people you see every day and you want to focus on.

When you accept what role somebody can play in your life at the moment, you will be a lot less likely to become upset when they are not there for you as much as they once were. If you move to a new town or your friend gets a new job with a heavier workload you need to accept where the two of you are right now. The strengths of friendships fluctuate as time goes by and that is simply part of the ride. Like you they have their goals and ambitions. Mind you a real friend will do all they can for you if disaster strikes. Eve from the other side of the world.

10.    Take a genuine interest in others. Make sure they know you are really listening to them. It makes the other person feel appreciated and they will take that same interest in you. It leads to all round better communication and relationships.

11.    Never get into a routine that doesn't allow you to let your hair down and so something spontaneous sometimes. Have a plan, be organised but planning every minute of your day will make it hard to really enjoy anything and live in the moment.

12.    Make time for hobbies you are really passionate about. It will help you to be more engaged, happy and fulfilled in everything you do. It can’t be all work.

13.    Find time to be kind to people and animals. Especially those who are less fortunate than you. He who gives always gets more out of giving than the person receiving. The other people will be helped and you will feel better about yourself.

14.    Try and distinguish between the things, tasks and people that make you uncomfortable. Some will make you uncomfortable as deep down you know it is something that will make you a better version of yourself. While other things will make you uncomfortable as they are just morally wrong. Spot that different.

15.    Learn how to spend time alone quietly to be with your thoughts. If you can do it in nature. Even better. It is the best way to really find out how we are doing. It is a way of checking up on ourselves.

16.    Make time to read or listen to a philosopher or an inspiring leader. Nelson Mandela, Tony Robbins, Pluto, Socrates etc. You get the idea. These moments often just put what is going on in your life at the time into perspective.

17.    Let the past go and try not to worry about the future. Live in the moment and be present with the people you are with at the time. In other words put that phone away.

18.    Remember worrying only increases the size of the problem. Worrying is not a solution.

19.    Remember when one door opens another 10 open.

20.    Try and be a person the 15-year-old version of yourself who dreamed he/she could be/do anything would be proud of. The longest relationship you will have is with yourself, making it the most important. Make yourself proud.

21.    Forgive those who have wronged you. Holding on only prolongs the suffering.

22.    Get your 7-8 hours sleep a night and do your best not to eat too many sugars.


In a nutshell. In order to be happy:

Know who you are and be unapologetic for it. Find what you are passionate about and embrace it. Be kind to others but look after yourself first. You are no good to others despite good intentions if you are secretly miserable. Find people who make you happy. Remember nothing is permanent. When something is wrong don’t be afraid to speak out. Finally, have a positive attitude and keep the belief and hope you can achieve all your hopes and dreams.


Some quotes about happiness to finish:

Mark Twain: The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up.

Budda: No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.

Mahatma Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you and what you do are in harmony.

Steve Maraboli: If you want to find happiness, find gratitude.

John Lennon: When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. ... They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.

Tony Robbins: "Progress = happiness"

Chinese Proverb:
“If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.’
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.”
Chinese Proverb

Franklin D. Roosevelt: “Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.”

Seneca: “For many men, the acquisition of wealth does not end their troubles, it only changes them.”

Stacey Charter: “Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”


Oscar Wilde: “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go”


Dalai Lama: “Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”

Helen Keller: “When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”

15 things I wish I knew before I turned twenty.

Like every major milestone in life, whether it is getting a new job, losing a love one or in this case my 20^th birthday you do often reflect on where you are in that very moment and wonder how you got there. Like I said my 20^th birthday is soon, as in the next couple of months. I won’t give the exact date as the last time I did that I got, if I remember right 242 “Happy birthday’s”. Which was sweet and all but the terrible thing was, I am often too nice for my own good. I felt obliged to thank each individual person, which took hours. So with that I move onto the purpose of this piece. He learn every day, a new epiphany if you will.  A day without learning is a day wasted if you ask me, but saying that some things stay with you more than most. So on this quite Tuesday evening I write this  list of fifteen things I wish I knew before I turned twenty. I could have come up with twenty but I didn’t see the point in writing an extra five just for the sake of it and wasting everybody’s time.   I am writing these down as they come into my head as I feel that will bring out the lessons that mean the most to me. So with that I give you the first thing I wish I knew.

1)      For anything creative whether it is a speech, a photo, a painting or an article in this case it has to come from the heart for the message to carry. That does not mean it has to be personal it just means the topic has to mean something to the creator. If not the audience will sense it and the piece will have little effect on others.

2)      Did anybody else’s boss, mother or partner ever tell you to write a “to do list”? If so there is a reason for that. They work. To do lists keep you focused on what needs to be done and keep you focused on the task at hand. A constant reminder in the back of your mind. They are an absolute pain but I guarantee you anybody who is successful, no matter the field have one.

3)      It sounds a little silly at first but it is actually one of the great hidden truths of the modern society that we live in. A society where we are all so obsessed with material goods. The lesson is “It’s not what we get that makes us happy, it’s who we become” Focusing on been the best version of yourself is one of the most fulfilling feelings in the world. You will get so much more joy from becoming for example a better public speaker than you ever will from buying those shoes you have convinced yourself you need. Knowing you are becoming the BEST version of yourself is the BEST feeling in the world. 

4)      A positive attitude will lead to both positive results and a positive life. No matter what happens to you, it is important to find the positives. Why? Because self-pity is very destructive. It destroys everything around it except itself.

5)      You will achieve nothing without intent. Yes the discovery of penicillin for example was initially an accident. But Ernest Duchesne, the French physician was studying micro-organisms at the time. Intention will not always get you what you want, it takes so much more. But without intention or a goal, desire and motivation will get you nowhere.

6)      If you think somebody hates you for no reason you’re lying to yourself. The chances are they have strong emotions towards you. This emotion is more than likely jealousy whether it is your money, friends or any other factor really. Failing that you did something to really annoy them and you just don’t realise it.

7)      People who put there whole social lives on facebook and other social media sites have low self-esteem and are lacking the attention they need from their friends and family around them. Yes many of us work on our personal brands and talk about music, current events and in my case sports. Sadly many of us feel the need to put of seven snapchats of ourselves and our friend having an Ice-cream.

8)      It is important to think for yourself. It is so easy to get drawn into who the better politician is by listening to the news or just assuming your friend is right without hearing the other side of the story. They say there are two sides to every story. This is not true. There is actually at least three. What everybody around you is saying and most importantly what that brain inside your head is telling you. More often or not the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

9)      It is men and in particular white men who are never discriminated against…. With one exception. Spare a thought for the small man. We live in a society where it is okay for woman to turn down men because they are too small but men are pigs if they turn down a woman for example being too big. Even though in most cases it is possible to lose weight but impossible to gain height.

10)  There will always be somebody who thinks they know better and you guessed it most of the time they don’t. We all know somebody who makes claims to have the ability of the world on their shoulders. You got an A is all seven of your exam’s? Well according to them they got eight and if you can prove otherwise they will come up with an excuse or some biased reason to why they didn’t. Ignore these people.

11)  There will always be that person who is nice to your face, but the second you turn around they will complain more than I mother who claims she gets no help around the house. People who do this, hide their feelings in the shadows, why? Because they are stuck behind others. They are so threatened my others they look for any cowardly way to tear down others. Would it not be great to live in a world where we all said what we thought?

12)  The only two things you are competing against are yourself and time. With yourself it is the constant battle of trying to be better than you were yesterday. Don’t worry about where others are. Focus on yourself and you will catch up in no time. Saying that you need to do it now because as you kill time, time is killing you. Unlike money you cannot trade time, you can’t save time you can only lose it. By wasting time you are making a conscious decision to shorten your own lifespan. Surly you deserve better.

13)  It’s not always the people you have the most in common with that you get on with best. This is one I find impossible to explain, but it’s just a fact of life.

14)  Loving what you do for a career really makes all the difference to your happiness. It is one of the reasons many of us look back on school with a sense of hatred. For some it was maths, others English. Whatever it was everybody had at least one subject they hated with a passion but had to struggle on with for years. People do the exact same to themselves when they follow a career path because they want money or their parents forced them. You will never reach the top of something you hate, because you won’t put in the work to get there. It would be stupid if you did. So follow your heart and figure out how to make money out of it.

15)  Time is not a healer of all wounds but it is the teacher of lessons. The idea that bad memories will just disappear is a lie. Negative experiences will stay with you, but you learn from them and move on.  Despite that some things will never leave you but it is those experiences that make you stronger and more prepared the next time. 

10 tips to help you start your twitter account


I will be the first to admit it, twitter is not as easy as it looks. If you look at it on the surface it can be hard to find your particular part of it all. Unlike Facebook where new friends, pages and groups are constantly suggested, twitter can sometimes be a one man island. Yes twitter has the “who to follow” feature but these are usually celebrities who are unlikely to follow you back at first. Without the right strategies Twitter can be a very lonely place.

The second reason many of us struggle with Twitter if the feeling that we need to be tweeting at least 3-4 times a day. Something that is uncommon on other social media platforms. Whether we admit to it or not this can be a bit overwhelming. There is nobody out there saying we actually need to do this but at the same time it’s not too hard. A tweet has a limit of 140 characters, many of us would text that before leaving the house in the morning.

What I often hear is “How can I tweet every day, when I have nothing to tweet about?” This is one of the most common reasons for people soon losing interest in twitter. Yes this is a problem. Not having anything to tweet about is the social media equivalent to being on a debate team of a language you don’t understand. Like a debate, social media and the web as a whole is all about trading ideas. So here are 10 ways you can be inspired to tweet more and getting your twitter life up and running.

Step 1: Follow your friends, family and co-workers
As mentioned above Twitter can be a lonely place, without friends, family and work mates. So why not change that? Ask people on other social media platforms to follow you. Ask your friends when you meet them in person. Ask the postman, it doesn't really matter. The idea is to follow people you are interested in and in return are interested in you. A common short cut to finding people you know on twitter can be done on the site itself. All it takes is one account to get you started. This technique is to go into your friends account and see who they are following. They are more than likely following people you also know. Now that you have found them, follow them and suddenly watch your network grow. A piece of advice would be to change your profile picture to a picture of yourself just so people know it’s you.

Step 2: Follow celebrities you are interested in
Now that you have found every Tom, Dick, and Harry from your own circle, it’s now time to go further and take things to the global stage. If you are a buddingentrepreneur you can follow Richard Branson
 (@richardbranson). Sports fans can follow maybe famous sport stars such as WayneRooney (@WayneRooney) and LeBron James (@KingJames). Not to mention hundreds of music stars and actors. If all that stardust was not enough for you why not take a trip into space with NASA (@NASA). There is something for everybody in the world of twitter and all this can be done by just typing a name into the search bar.


Step 3: Get news instantly
Social media is often seen as a time consumer, but when it comes to news and current affairs Twitter will give you a chance to get news instantly. First we had word of mouth, then newspapers. Next it was websites and now social media. By following newspapers such as The Guardian (@Guardian) and news stations such as the BBC (@BBCBreaking) information will be tweeted in your home page. You don’t even need to go to the effort of looking at the website anymore. You can simple click on the link of any tweet that peaks your interest.

Step 4: Figure out what your niche is
You have followed everybody and everything, you have an interest in. With that you are now getting bulldozed with a lot of great content. At this stage you may not have realised what your niche is, in other words where your interests lie. Have a look at the tweets coming into your home page.
What themes and topics are popping up most often? When you figure this out you are ready to join the conversationand get tweeting.
Step 5: Have your own voice
There are thousands if not millions of interesting people on Twitter. All of them are trading ideas and opinions. It is now time to get involved yourself. You can start by Re-tweeting others but in the long run it is better to tweet yourself every now and then. Find an interesting article? Tweet it. See a funny picture? Tweet it. You get the idea. There will always be room for a personal element to a social media account, but be careful what information you share about yourself. It is advised not
to tweet out your address, phone number or travel plans. It would be best to hold back posting those pictures until you get home from the week in Italy.

Step 6: Get involved with hashtags
A hashtag is simply a way for people to search for tweets that share a common topic. A fun fact is that they are not case sensitive. Hashtags have three main purposes. First of all they can be used as an alternative way of telling people what you are talking about. For example instead of tweeting “I really enjoyed the Kodaline concert. You can tweet “I really enjoyed the concert last night. #Kodaline” By using the hashtag, your tweet will be visible to anybody who searches “Kodaline” on twitter even if they do not follow you. Thirdly a hashtag (#) gives you the opportunity to join the conversations of trending topics anywhere in the world. Again this opens your account up to people who do not follow you.


Step 7 : Use your mobile
According to the Wall Street Journal Twitter account, 86% of Twitter uses use the site via mobile devices. Twitter mobile is very easy to use as tweets are no more than 140 characters. Even the smallest of screens will not become overwhelmed and overcrowded by content. You can also read all of your personal/direct messages without leaving the app. A criticism of social media rival Facebook.


Step 9: Add more colour
It’s not a must but after a while a bland lookingprofile can get a bit boring for both you and your
followers. Twitter gives you an option of changingyour cover photo (the photo behind your profile
picture) as well as changing the theme colour. You can take this further but even these few steps can
jazz up a profile in a very positive manner.


Step 10: Enjoy
Twitter is all about being social, and usually something social is a lot of fun. So go out and tweet till your hearts content, make a few friends and just enjoy everything one of the world’s most popular websites has to offer.

Written by Diarmuid Gillingham