10 things you notice after coming home from abroad

As I write this blog post, it is two months to the day since I returned to Ireland from my year in Germany. With that in mind, I decided to put a list together of what emotions, feelings, and realizations have hit me over that time. I wanted to write this piece about two weeks before starting University again, but at the time I found my mind was still abroad and it was too early to write such a blog post in a manner that would reflect reality.

1) Your Body and Mind Will Feel Out Of Sink 

When leaving your newly adopted home, you say many goodbyes followed by many hellos. You pack your things up and then unpack again while dealing with annoying and over-crowded airports in between. All of these actions would suggest that you are home for good, but it simply takes your brain time to fully understand that you’re not going back. Even if it is just that one percent of you that is not willing to accept the fact yet.

2) Your Heart Won't Break But It Will Be Divided

Before moving to Germany, I had never lived out of Cork. I was very used to the fact that 90% of the people I hold close to me lived within 30 minutes of me. So even moving abroad and suddenly having more relationships in a different place to where you are at the moment is a dramatic change of events. If you do live in a foreign country, it is likely you will find others in the same position as you. Because of this when you and all your new friends go home, you will suddenly have connections in many cities and countries. While this does take some getting used to, it is wonderfully exciting.

3) You Will Be a Bit Bored Hearing Only One Language 

When abroad, one of the first challenges you will likely have to face is a new language or at least an additional dialect. At times this can be very frustrating. I remember one evening in particular after a Spanish exam. It finished at 8pm and I had been in classes since 9am. Naturally, I was very tired and realistically just wanted to go home to bed. But on the journey, I was joined by four German classmates, and obviously, we were speaking German. Speaking to four native speakers at once and feeling like you are contributing to a conversation to a high standard can be difficult in your best moments. I remember just standing there thinking  “please don’t ask me anything, I’m too tired to understand a word you're saying right now” Despite such moments I enjoyed speaking and hearing German and even languages I did not understand at all. You do miss that when you come home.

4) Everything At Home Changes Yet At The Same Time Nothing Changes 

When you return home for the first time after an extended period, it does feel like the home you knew is gone. Maybe a few friends have moved elsewhere, a few others are now in relationships, or perhaps you have a new neighbor. At first, there is a little sense of panic, which you have missed out on so much and a feeling that you will never catch with everything. But after a couple of weeks without realizing it, you will have seen many of your friends at home and have gotten used to being at home again. All the panic for nothing.

5) You Start To Wonder If The Whole Year Was Just a Part Of Your Imagination

Facebook is a massive factor in this. With facebook memories popping up on our screens now, its hard not to get a little nostalgic at times. Only yesterday I was reminded of the fact, that, time last year I was having the time of my life in Copenhagen. While this year, just like two years ago and so on, I was at home studying. Or in Cork at the very least. The point is a year abroad pushes you out of your routine that you build at home around your friends and family. I already find myself asking myself, “did I really see all those places?” It’s very surreal.

6) Coming Home Will Feel Like a Step Backwards  

Admittedly, this is something I had not thought of myself until another friend who went away for the year said it was what she was feeling. In most parts of many peoples lives, and especially when you are younger, you’re always moving onto something new and grander. For example, you leave school to go to university. You stop using the bus to get a car. Your relationships get more grown up and so one. Most of the time if you look at where you were a year ago and where you are now, we all grow up little by little.

So moving back to Ireland, back to the same university, only speaking one language, and maybe most decisively moving back home all felt like I was going backwards in life. Sometimes as people we can stagnate or move forward at a snail's pace which can be frustrating. But having so much evidence pointing towards the fact you have gone backwards is doubly disappointing. With a year abroad you grow a lot and at least for myself the person I was in Germany and the one I am in Ireland are different. As I write this I am making a conscious effort to be the more friendly and fun person I was in Germany and not the stress ball that left Ireland in September 2016.

7) You Quickly Realize Who Will Stay In Touch And Who Won’t 

In a previous post, I wrote about “convenience friends” and how we are all littered with them in our lives. A convenience friend is somebody who is only our “friend” because we see them every day. One of the greatest and liberating things about living away from home for a year was finding who cared that I was gone. That time destroyed a lot of the grey and made it obvious who was there for and who wasn't. I have fewer friends in Ireland now but I know I can rely on all of them and that is a fantastic feeling. I understand people are busy, but when somebody texts to see how are getting on now and then, message you on your birthday or make the time to skype you, it makes such a difference. It’s the little things that matter the most. So right now I’m experiencing that same thing with Erasmus/exchange people, and it’s fantastic. Sometimes it can be overwhelming trying to keep in touch with everybody, but as they say, actions speak louder than words and the process of keeping in touch with who really matters to you gets simpler with time.

8) The Travel Bug is Here to Stay 

Once I got home from Germany I was happy to be home. For the first few weeks or maybe only days the idea of going on a big adventure again was not in any way appealing. But over the last two months that feeling has evaporated. The travel bug has bitten again and I am more than ready for my next adventure and to start exploring an increasing small world yet again.

9) Social Media Is so much more interesting Than Before 

After doing an exchange year, as already mentioned everybody you tend to meet goes back to their home countries. This fact makes your social media feed so much enjoyable. One moment you are watching independence rallies in Barcelona, a second later a stunning landscape in France and a minute after that a stunning cityscape of Chicago. Having so many people you know personally on your Facebook feed living all the world works as a free guide to the world. If you were not addicted to facebook before, you probably are now.

10) You See everything In a Different Way

I’ve written a lot in the text about change. You do change a lot, and because of that even the people and places that are most familiar to you can feel different. On top of this, you feel different about yourself. Over the time what is important to you will change, your ambitions will change, and how you act will change. Every thought is different. It is often said, that travel is the best teacher because you don’t learn about the world you experience it. Each experience in life shapes us differently, but with travel, those changes are quicker. As cheesy as it sounds you come to a citizen of the world and not just your home country. You won’t entirely fit in at home anymore. In fact, you won’t entirely fit in anywhere. And guess what, that’s okay.

Thanks so much for reading.


While you're here check out some other things I do.

Check out my photography at Diarmuidgraphy.com on Instagram and on Youtube

My Snapchat is diarmuidii and you can find me also on Twitter

22 Habits To Help You Be Happy

When I wrote my initial blog about the period of depression I went through, I promised I would write a follow-up piece on how I eventually got passed it. A year on it is almost hard to remember how difficult those 6 months were.  In other ways, it’s not difficult at all. So if anybody would like to read that post for the first time or again, you can find it here. 

I have found people usually become depressed for the following reasons:
1)    Not feeling connected to others
2)    Feeling underappreciated
3)    Lack of direction
4)    Abuse or a major social/personal loss

So here are 22 ways of thinking/things you can do that I eventually stumbled upon, one by one by taking to people, reading, listening and finally learning a few lessons the hard way. I don’t claim to be a professional on this stuff but sometimes experience is the best teacher.

1.    Contrary to popular belief it is a good thing to compare yourself to other people. When you look at people who are ahead of you, it can work as a motivation to work harder and to better yourself. While seeing people who are less fortunate than you can help you feel grateful for what we do have. But either way at the end of the day the only person you need to compare yourself with is the person you were yesterday. You define your own success.

2.    As already mentioned, be grateful for what you do have. The fact you can read this means you have an internet connection and electricity. That’s a lot more than many others. You also most likely have something to eat and somewhere to sleep. Again much more than many. Let that sink in.

3.    Take appreciation from the interactions you have with others. Often when we feel lonely it is not because we are alone. We have people in our lives. You simply are not taking satisfaction from those interactions. When you are finished an interaction with anybody take a moment just to reflect on it and appreciate the fact it was possible to spend time with kind and friendly people. If you can’t find satisfaction from these interactions maybe it is time to find a new peer group.

4.    When I was in in H&M the other day I saw a sign which said “If it makes you happy, wear it” And it is so true. Be honest with yourself and others about what you like and what you don’t. Be proud of that band or whatever it is you love. Even if you know full well 90% of your peer group might not feel the same way. No two people are the same. Our interest play a big role in that. Be proud.

5.    Take a few personality tests. For example "16 Personalties” It is easier to make social, career, and family choices when you have a better understanding of what type of person you are.

6.    Accept nothing is permanent. Most people lose a best friend along the way. Most first relationships fail. Most people lose a job at some point. Our circumstances and people can change in an instant. Holding onto the idea of what was will only bring you pain. As Budda once said, “When you let go, you create space for better things to enter your life.”

7.    A simple one, but maybe the hardest. When you are having a rough period tell somebody. Don’t be afraid to reach out.

8.    You need to set yourself daily, weekly and monthly goals. Goals give every day a reason and every reason gives you something to work towards. There are few things worse for one's self-esteem than sitting around and not doing anything to improve oneself or the world.

9.    Start categorizing the people in your life into groups and don’t be afraid to move people between categories. For example, best friends, people you want to get to know better, old friends you love but don’t see as much as you like and the good people you see every day and you want to focus on.

When you accept what role somebody can play in your life at the moment, you will be a lot less likely to become upset when they are not there for you as much as they once were. If you move to a new town or your friend gets a new job with a heavier workload you need to accept where the two of you are right now. The strengths of friendships fluctuate as time goes by and that is simply part of the ride. Like you they have their goals and ambitions. Mind you a real friend will do all they can for you if disaster strikes. Eve from the other side of the world.

10.    Take a genuine interest in others. Make sure they know you are really listening to them. It makes the other person feel appreciated and they will take that same interest in you. It leads to all round better communication and relationships.

11.    Never get into a routine that doesn't allow you to let your hair down and so something spontaneous sometimes. Have a plan, be organised but planning every minute of your day will make it hard to really enjoy anything and live in the moment.

12.    Make time for hobbies you are really passionate about. It will help you to be more engaged, happy and fulfilled in everything you do. It can’t be all work.

13.    Find time to be kind to people and animals. Especially those who are less fortunate than you. He who gives always gets more out of giving than the person receiving. The other people will be helped and you will feel better about yourself.

14.    Try and distinguish between the things, tasks and people that make you uncomfortable. Some will make you uncomfortable as deep down you know it is something that will make you a better version of yourself. While other things will make you uncomfortable as they are just morally wrong. Spot that different.

15.    Learn how to spend time alone quietly to be with your thoughts. If you can do it in nature. Even better. It is the best way to really find out how we are doing. It is a way of checking up on ourselves.

16.    Make time to read or listen to a philosopher or an inspiring leader. Nelson Mandela, Tony Robbins, Pluto, Socrates etc. You get the idea. These moments often just put what is going on in your life at the time into perspective.

17.    Let the past go and try not to worry about the future. Live in the moment and be present with the people you are with at the time. In other words put that phone away.

18.    Remember worrying only increases the size of the problem. Worrying is not a solution.

19.    Remember when one door opens another 10 open.

20.    Try and be a person the 15-year-old version of yourself who dreamed he/she could be/do anything would be proud of. The longest relationship you will have is with yourself, making it the most important. Make yourself proud.

21.    Forgive those who have wronged you. Holding on only prolongs the suffering.

22.    Get your 7-8 hours sleep a night and do your best not to eat too many sugars.


In a nutshell. In order to be happy:

Know who you are and be unapologetic for it. Find what you are passionate about and embrace it. Be kind to others but look after yourself first. You are no good to others despite good intentions if you are secretly miserable. Find people who make you happy. Remember nothing is permanent. When something is wrong don’t be afraid to speak out. Finally, have a positive attitude and keep the belief and hope you can achieve all your hopes and dreams.


Some quotes about happiness to finish:

Mark Twain: The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer somebody else up.

Budda: No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.

Mahatma Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you and what you do are in harmony.

Steve Maraboli: If you want to find happiness, find gratitude.

John Lennon: When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. ... They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.

Tony Robbins: "Progress = happiness"

Chinese Proverb:
“If you want happiness for an hour — take a nap.’
If you want happiness for a day — go fishing.
If you want happiness for a year — inherit a fortune.
If you want happiness for a lifetime — help someone else.”
Chinese Proverb

Franklin D. Roosevelt: “Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.”

Seneca: “For many men, the acquisition of wealth does not end their troubles, it only changes them.”

Stacey Charter: “Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”


Oscar Wilde: “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go”


Dalai Lama: “Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”

Helen Keller: “When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”

What is a Multipotentialite and Why You Might Be One Too

Dear Reader,

I have made a discovery, one that makes my world and hopefully yours make a little more sense. That discovery you ask? It was the moment I realised I was a multipotentialite. A mouthful I know, but that just makes it all the more exciting. A multipotentialite is somebody who has a wider range of interest than the average person and I would argue ambitions too.

This journey started about 3 weeks ago when an Irish man named Nicholas Grundy introduced himself to me and invited me to listen to his TEDx Talk. 

Which I did and soon I realised it was like looking at my future self. Nick is a professional photography now, he’s fluent in German, he is a speaker and also somehow has fitted in the time to see much of the world. These are all interest we have in common, but he also told me he is an engineer and has done time in the army. Looking at Nick I saw my doppelgänger, not in terms of the interest we have in common but rather the amount of them. I found it fascinating.

For the first time in my life, I had met somebody who did not just have a passing interest in so many things but was passionate enough to peruse so many dreams and ambitions just like I try to do every day. Nick’s talk was called “How to become a Jack of all trades and a master of some” Yes “some” rather than the more popularized “none” The talk gave me hope that it can be done and I am not doomed to a life of underachieving because I can’t settle on one thing or rather I get distracted from one passion for another one. Right now it is this topic of the multipotentialite.

From my own experience, I find that people settle on a few set things and that’s it. Have you noticed the same? They become a web designer or an accountant for example and just are happy to do that for the next 30-40 years of their life. They then take up a hobby. For example, the guitar and maybe a sport to top it off. While there is nothing wrong with that and I definitely see the sense in focusing on a few areas and becoming strong in all of them, in recent years I have found that it’s very different for me. 

I hope you the reader have found that thing in your life that keeps you up with excitement at night because you’re just that exhilarated about doing it the next day. If you haven’t I beg you to go out and find it. When people ask me what I’m going to do after college I never really know what to say. Not because I don’t have passions or plans but rather I have too many. I have ambitions to be a professional photographer, I want to be a writer, I want to travel the world, I want to be a career coach for others, I want to work in football, I want to work in a job where I get to use my German and finally I want to follow in the footsteps of people like Brendon Burchard and get involved in “Thought Leadership”. I am open to job title suggestions if you have any? I have learned over the last few weeks I am not alone with this and that I should embrace been a multipotentialite and not settle for anything different.

The term multipotentialite was formed from by an American artist named Emilie Wapnick. I came across her on, you guessed it the Ted Stage where she talks about her experiences as a multipotentialite. Like her I feared that “I was scattered or that I was self-sabotaging, afraid of my own success” Emilie soon after mentions a few people who have many career paths throughout their lives and all I could think about what the late Steve Jobs said to a group of Stanford Graduates as he gave his commencement speech. It went as follows “you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect the dots looking backwards, so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well worth path and that will make all the difference”

So after the talk I rushed home I wrote down all the things that I enjoy doing and all the main experiences in my life that I feel have made me the person I am today and started literally connecting the dots and trying to figure out how my dots will connect. It was amazing when I really set my mind to it I realised that some of the dots have already connected. 

I realised that the reason I want to get involved in thought leadership and career coaching is because I understand the struggling of been confused about what you want to do with your life. My desire to travel comes from my love of photography and my love of writing comes from enjoying poets like Philip Larkin back in school. Who would have thought that a love of poetry and deciding last minute to do a photography class because it was too late to sign up for anything else would unearth a near-unhealthy obsession with the concept of living abroad and poetry about WW1 would lead to me writing pieces like this? I most certainly did not.

In the world of the internet and globalisation, it is now easier than ever to experience new concepts, ideas and to find things you are passionate about. So why does society demand that we commit to so few things and miss out on so much?

As a multipotentialite, it is easy to become the Jack or Jackie of all trades and master of none and this is the trap I find myself falling into from time to time.

I pressed Nick about how he did it and he gave me advice that in hindsight makes perfect sense. The advice was that to be a jack of all trades and a master of some the key is to focus on one or two of them at a time and become good at them and then gradually move onto another. I often fall into the trap of chasing all my goals every day even if it’s only five minutes and in reality end of half doing everything. I felt if I was not working on something every day I had no hope of ever getting better. The sad truth is we may try and kid ourselves but it is focus not multi-tasking that achieves results in this world. In fact, as a multipotentialite focus is even more vital because you won’t have as much time as others to become better at something so you have to make the time you have count.

At this point, it would be easy to think of been a multipotentialite as a bad thing but I assure you it is not, and that’s a very important lesson for everybody especially those who fall into this category. You have to be the hero of your own story and I believe this is my superpower. But like any superpower it’s about controlling it and not letting your life lose direction. I have already mentioned the negatives but there are also many positives.

The main strengths of this talent and I repeat talent are adaptability and creativity. First of all, creativity is the creation of something new that is useful. New creative ideas come from exposing ourselves to new ways of thinking and beliefs. What you know already is one line while what you don’t know is another and creativity is what happens in between those. Multipotentialite’s are constantly exposing themselves to new things, new people, new hobbies and situations. Because of this we have a far greater chance of creating something new. There are more dots, to connect. To be efficient I will give you an example of creativity while taking about adaptability.

Multipotentialite’s can adapt to any situation because it’s not just something we do because we have to but it’s a part of our very nature. To find new challenges and explore them. Adaptability and variety are great skills to have. As a football fan, I have noticed a shift in the type of footballer we see. 10 - 12 years ago the best players were the specialists. The great goal poachers like Michael Owen, the great tacklers like Roy Keane or an out and out crosser of the ball like David Beckham. But today the best players are the players who can do everything. The best goalkeepers like Manual Neuer are as good with their feet as their outfield teammates, players like Ronaldo who are strong and pacey but still have a bag of tricks and maybe the most obvious example, the player who is about to become the world’s most expensive footballer ever, Paul Pogba.  He is a midfielder who would be a match for any footballer physically, he can pass, he can shoot, he can run all day, and he has more tricks up his sock (yes sock) than a magician.

Did you see the originality of that last paragraph? I dare you to try and find the another article with the words “Paul Pogba” and “multipotentialite” in it. But I guarantee you will be left empty handed. 

Because of globalisation and the internet the world has never been so full of ideas and perspectives. Variety is the way we must tackle ever more complicated problems. The world needs people to think outside the box and to be able to see things in a more tolerant, creative and passionate way. The ideas we have to be one thing when we grow up, or that you defined by what you study or doing right now need to be thrown out this instant.

Kind Regards,

Your faithful Multipotentialite,

Diarmuid  

F.Y.I

Check out Emilie Wapnick's talk here 

Check out Nick's ted talk here 

For a fantastic podcast about the potential of multipotentialite's check out this episode call "So Crazy it Just Might Work" from This American life about a Music techer trying to find a cure for a cancer with th power of music

I'm An Introvert, I Don't Believe We Have Met

There is a wonderful saying that says “people come in all shapes and sizes, and they are all beautiful” A statement that we all need to keep in mind when dealing with people and forming views on them, whether we mean to do it or not.  Everybody is misunderstood at some stage. It could be from a parent, spouse, workmate, friend, sibling or mentor. More specifically groups and types of people can be misunderstood, especially in a society that is so picky about what is normal and expected. With this people can be sorted into certain groups and stereotypes. For example some people may hear a man is gay and expect him to be very flamboyant. While others may see somebody has tattoos and assume their life has no direction. There are endless examples. The misunderstood group I want to discuss are introverts. In a world where everybody is expected to be happy and social 24/7, introverts can be seen as weird, awkward and boring. So as an introvert, I hope this piece clears up many of those misconceptions, helps you understand what’s going on in an introverts head in some social situations and who knows you may even relate..

MYTH 1 Introverts are weird

Introverts are weird but in the exact same way extraverts are. Nobody is “normal” People often think that introverts are strange because they do not talk as often as others. In some situations this is true but not always. The difference between introverts and extraverts is that introverts live in their heads a lot. They often think about issues more deeply before sharing an opinion and because of that their ideas and words can be seen as a little out there. Introverts blindly accept very few “norms” and see the world in their own little way.

MYTH 2 Introverts don’t like to talk

This is simply not the case. They love to talk even if they say otherwise sometimes. The difference is that introverts need a conversation that interests or challenges them. It’s not that introverts don’t like to talk, they just don’t like small talk. An introvert’s worst nightmare is getting asked “How was your weekend?” or having to talk about simple things like the weather. If you talk to an introvert about their hobbies you won’t be able to get a word in. Take this quote for example: “At least half of people who speak for a living are introverted in nature,” This is according to Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, a certified speaking professional, executive coach and author of Quiet Influence: The Introvert’s Guide to Making a Difference.

MYTH 3 Introverts don’t like big social events

While it is true most introverts prefer smaller groups of people the idea that they hate going to parties or concerts is TOTAL nonsense. Introverts love going out and meeting people every bit as much as extraverts. The difference is that introverts don’t need as much as social interaction as extraverts. Both could be the life of the party while there but what you will find is that after a couple of hours introverts want to go home even if they are having a good time. While extraverts will be the first to arrive and last to leave. Introverts find social interaction enjoyable but draining emotionally and physically. They need their time alone to recharge and feel in control of their life again. While on the other hand extraverts get their energy from been around others and interacting.

MYTH 4 Introverts are shy

AGAIN!! Not always the case. An introvert won’t talk to you unless they have a reason. In others words if they want something.  As mentioned already they hate small talk. You won’t see an introvert starting a conversation in for example a doctor’s waiting room for the sake of it. But they will interact if they have a question to ask. That’s not to say a great conversation won’t start from that. That may seem selfish to some, but remember introverts find social interaction draining. It could be easily argued an extravert is selfish for starting a conversation. Why? Because social interaction gives extraverts energy and makes they feel better about themselves. It is often argued in Economics that people are not selfish but self - interested.  People simply  follow the opportunities that most interest them.

Myth 5 : Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.

First of all everybody’s definition of fun is completely different. How many people could you name who actively enjoy every sport, genre of music and let’s go with gaming? We all have different interests. Introverts are more inclined to enjoy tasks that they can do alone for example reading or writing articles just like this. While extraverts do usually prefer parties and larger social gatherings. Obviously as mentioned above both types of people can enjoy their social and alone time. The only difference is every person on this planet has a difference balance. Nobody wants to be alone or with others every minute of the day.

So now that you understand introverts a little better here are a few signs to help you spot them.

They withdraw in crowds. In other words at a big social event you will find them at the edge of the room talking to only a few people.

They have nothing to say if they know they will only have a small time to talk to you. It happens if they know it’s going to only be small talk. Schedule an hour to talk with them and they won’t shut up.

They daydream a lot, so much so you wonder if they are paying attention at all. 

The only thing they hate more than small talk is talking on the phone.

Introverts only speak when they feel they have something interesting to say or to ask a question. They don’t talk for the sake of talking.

They value their few close friends.

They tend to end up in careers where they can be alone at times during the day

They are great listeners.  

Finally I want to finish on the note that there is nothing wrong with somebody who is introverted. They do not need to be fixed or changed. In fact in such a loud world that is always rushing, people who speak less and tend to think deeper should be encouraged. Without these people the world would not have as many great scientists like Albert Einstein, musicians such as Christina Aguilera, actors like Emma Watson, business leaders in the form of Bill Gates and finally presidents such as  Abraham Lincoln. All of these people are well known in the public for their successes and as well as their introverted tendencies. So put that is your socially correct pipe and smoke it.

For this piece I’m talking entirely from my own experiences. I don’t pretend to be an expert.